Sunday, May 15, 2011

First Thoughts

I’m writing this on May 11, not whatever day I posted this.  I’m not posting this on May 11 because I’m currently sitting in a tent in Acadia National Park and for some reason none of my preferred wireless networks are available.  And yes, I am typing this because I cannot for the life of me find my headlamp so I can’t read any of the several books I brought.  Not like that was going to happen anyways.  So instead, it’s 9:10 on the coast of Maine, completely dark and I can’t fall asleep.  So I’m writing my first blog post.

My thoughts on blogging tend to go like this:  Wow what a complete waste of time.  I mean, no one is going to read it and for good reason.  I’m not sure I’ll have much to say.  But, there are people who love me (thanks, Mom) and who knows, it might be fun to write again.  It’s been a while since I’ve really written creatively.  But will my blog be good enough?  Other people’s approval tends to be my main motivation way more often than it should be.  Will I be happy with what I write or if I’m not, will I post anything?  And if I am proud of what I say, will it be true?  Will I sensationalize the stories of my time in Haiti to make myself seem more intense, more in tune, more compassionate, more selfless, more emotionally stable?  What happens if I break down and start to question the foundations of my existence?  Will you still love me?  (Is that question pathetic?)

I’m not in Haiti yet, so all of this worrying is in some ways premature.  Maybe I’ll have a flawless HNGR internship and I won’t ever go through periods where I have to wonder whether to post what I’m experiencing.  But I doubt it.  I don’t know who’s reading this (but you should comment so I do know!), but I would imagine you are people from all parts of my life: my parents, brothers, sisters (with the help of my parents), grandparents, high school friends and teachers, the HNGR office, Forest Hills kids, Yellowstone team, Wheaton friends and of course, my fellow HNGR interns, past, present and future.  I think you all like me (in varying degrees), and I don’t want you to stop.  But I also want to be honest.  I pray that God will give me the courage to write what I see and think in a way that is honest and glorifying to Him.  I also pray that God will give you His grace to love me despite whatever possible things I might say that may be less glorifying to God, but still honest.  If you are who I think you are, I love you and I want you supporting me for these six months.  I’m also jealously asking that you love me back; in return I’ll do my best to keep you with me for the whole ride.


  1. Dearest Chris, thank you for the gift of sharing your journey through this blog. It is truly an unspeakable gift to those who love you so very much. You know that I love raw honesty - especially about matters of God and faith. I very much look forward to a glimpse of your experience through reading your words. You are an incredible son and it is a joy and privilege to be your mom. Godspeed as you go and I look forward to some good days together before you depart. I love you more than you can ever know. Mom

  2. Looking forward to it man. You're gonna have an amazing time and I'm excited to see how it all happens.

  3. Thanks for making the commitment to write, now. Also, thanks for writing a post while camping at Acadia. Continue to be honest through words or a word little bits at a time, even when the idea of processing an experience through words is appalling. This way, the people who ask how your HNGR internship was will be able to know more than, "Good."

  4. be honest, please, it will encourage me to do the same. I somehow think that those who will be offended by your honesty aren't loving you for the right reasons, and that those who will not be offended will drink in your most earnest comments with the thirst of one who has been traveling for a long time, too long, alone. You will not lose my appreciation