In the Middle

Let me start this post by saying, this is not intended to be a criticism of short-term mission trips.  Also, these thoughts are based off of my own experiences, which, I have no doubt, differ vastly from others.  In no way is it my aim to belittle anyone else’s own life experiences.

Since my last blog post, I have passed the halfway mark in my HNGR internship.  I can’t tell you what day that halfway mark was since as of now, my HNGR internship doesn’t have an end date and, as you all know, you can’t have a middle without an end.  Milestones can be a big deal, and the halfway mark is a significant one; I would say it’s probably the third most significant milestone, following the beginning and the end (though who’s to say which of those two is more significant).  Anyways, being here in the middle has made me think a lot about middles and the fact that this internship is long enough to have one.  All of my other cross-cultural experiences have been significantly shorter and have never had “middles,” at least not middles like this; they were composed entirely of the beginning and the ending.  I’d get to a place, settle in for a week or two and then get up and leave again.  It was all “hellos” and “goodbyes” with no time for life in between.  Those cross-cultural experiences (while certainly valuable) were more like pauses from my real life, which would then resume as soon as I left.  This implies that my life wasn’t really happening while I was out of my normal context, which isn’t entirely true, but does make a certain amount of sense.  They were different from the rest of my life, set apart, and though they certainly influenced how I lived my “normal everyday” life, they didn’t really fit in with the other stuff I did. 

HNGR is different from that.  My favorite of the HNGR proverbs is “HNGR is life.”  “HNGR is life” can be misinterpreted so let me be clear: it does not mean that HNGR is this richer, fuller, more real experience that makes the other parts of life seem worthless; it does not mean “you haven’t lived until you go on HNGR.”  In fact, the real intention behind the phrase is just the opposite.  “HNGR is life” means the six months that you will spend living and working in another country is a part of your life, no more and no less.  HNGR is not this super-life or life on steroids; neither is it a break or a pause from reality.  Here at the middle, I’m finding that to be very true.  Even though 6 months is a relatively short time in the grand scheme of my life (assuming I complete my internship in full, it will have taken up 2.2% of my entire life), it is just long enough to get past the hellos before the goodbyes start; succinctly, it is long enough to have a middle.  Of course, that can be good and bad.  Bad because beginnings and endings are the exciting (or at least emotional) parts of the story and the action can kind of stall in the middle.  But it’s good too because it makes that 2.2% of my life a real part of my life rather than just a pause.  In December, Lord willing, I will be able to say that I have lived life in North Carolina, Illinois, and Haiti.  I’m not sure I can say the same for the other places I’ve visited, at least, not in the same way. 

I’m not trying to say that vacations or short-term missions trips don’t count in regards to life; often those are extremely formative experiences, as has been true of my own life.  But life takes on a different quality when its rhythm is sustained for a greater period of time.  It is that quality (which I’ve been calling “middle”) that I have been experiencing here these past few weeks.  It’s different here than it was in high school or back at Wheaton (in fact, I’m afraid my middle at Wheaton has already ended and when I go back, I’ll find myself in the end).  It is certainly only the beginning of a middle here in Haiti and I doubt it will last much longer, but I do feel blessed to have tasted it.  Here’s to hoping it is a taste that ages well. 

I do realize that this post is long on abstract thought and short on the details that make up my middle, and for that I apologize.  Here’s a quick rundown of some of the things that have been going on the past few weeks:

-A ten-minute visit to the Dominican Republic.  One of the practical ramifications of being in the middle of a HNGR internship means visa renewal.  I crossed the border, quickly realized I’ve lost all my Spanish-speaking ability and crossed back.  I am now allowed to stay in Haiti legally for another 90 days.

-The beginning of the semester for UCNH.  Convocation (hours of French of which I understood about 50% in the hot Haitian sun) was on September 5, though most classes didn’t begin until the following Monday.  The English department finally opened its doors to students this past Tuesday, though so far, I’m the only professor who’s had class.  I had two classes on Tuesday and one class on Wednesday, all of which went as smoothly as could be expected.  We’re still waiting on the finance office to give us money for the students’ books, but I’m glad to finally be in the classroom with a relatively consistent schedule. 

-Lots of planning for Ryan’s visit.  The assistant director of the HNGR department will be gracing me with his presence in a mere 41 hours (not that I’m counting).  Ryan will be with me at UCNH from Saturday until Tuesday.  After that, we’re taking our show on the road.  We have planned a 3-day, breakneck-speed, multi-organization tour of Haiti that will include visits to Pignon in the central plateau and Port-au-Prince.  Hopefully this will help increase the internship options for future HNGR interns as well as opportunities for members of the Haiti-Wheaton Partnership.  Stay tuned for the results of our adventures. 

Prayer: Please be praying for safe travels for Ryan and I.  Ryan will be travelling to Ft. Lauderdale tomorrow and then to Haiti on Saturday.  We both will be off together Wednesday-Saturday of next week.  Please also pray that our time together will be rejuvenating for me.  I’m looking forward to seeing a familiar, English-speaking face and I hope that our time together will be helpful and refocusing for me.  

Fear of the Beard

Pa pe'm.  Don't be afraid of me.  This is the phrase I had to say to almost any Haitian child under the age of 8 up until a week and a half ago.  Why?  Because my beard was huge.  Children in the streets would stare in morbid fascination wondering what it was that was living on that blan's face.  Older siblings who were more courageous would bring babies up to me... who would promptly start crying.  Everyone in town (and in neighboring towns) had an opinion on my facial hair.  Complete strangers would pass me in the street and tell me to shave.  Others (usually with some facial hair of their own) would compliment it... though they would usually ask why I colored it red.  My response was always, "I didn't do this, God did" which always got a laugh and some disbelief.  The biggest benefit from my beard was that it repelled girls like nothing you've ever seen.  Benefit? you might ask; Benefit, I respond.  I am committed to upholding page 89 of the HNGR manual.  The indecision on several girls faces was a nice bonus too.  "Well, if I say I like his beard, he might marry me and take me to the US forever.  But is it really worth it if he never shaves?"  Even my host mom would mutter under her breath about how much she disliked it... and then when asked said, "Oh no, no, you look... fine."  The group of teenage boys that I affectionately refer to in my head as "the neighborhood punks" though my beard made me look like Jesus, and loved to call me that.  This only added to everyone's previous confusion due to the fact that "Kris" (pronounced the same way that Haitians pronounce Chris) in Creole means "Christ."  Once I was introduced to a family friend who replied (in Creole) with, "Christ?  He looks like Christ."  Even when I went to visit Abbie in St. Louis du Nord, people there picked up on the resemblance.  In fact, I was monikered based off of three different men of Middle Eastern descent: Jesus, Moses... and Osama bin Laden.  I had to laugh at this last one... I think he would have taken much more offense at the comparison than I did.

Alas, despite all of the fun we were having, the beard just got too hot.  Two Saturdays ago, I went into Limbé, found a barbershop, and had both my hair and my beard trimmed significantly.  (As an aside, let me tell you, the barbers here in Haiti don't mess around.  Of all the people who have cut my hair (Ms. Ruth King, my mom, Sarah Grace, Helen Herrle, Jon Kim, Daniel Shaffer, Rob Toy, Cecelia Miles, Carly Allen, Shannon Pringle) none of them put more time, energy and effort into making me look my best.  He trimmed the entire perimeter of my hairline with a straight razor... twice.  He even shaved my forehead and the edge of my ears.  And for all that he only charged me $1.50... but he got a nice tip.)  Upon my arrival back in Haut-Limbé, there was singing and dancing in the streets.  My host sister said I looked like a new person.  My host mom said I resembled a good looking man.  For the next three days, everyone I passed on the street (whether I knew them or not) commented on the change.  Ah... community.  Unfortunately... I still scare small children.

My beard a few days before it was last seen.

Other updates:
Classes at UCNH start next week!  I'm very excited.  Students will be back on campus, I will have an actual internship and routine is sure to follow (right?).  Actually, I found out yesterday that the English department might delay their classes until September 19 or even later.  Turns out that the English department building will be undergoing some major renovations.  The good news: we'll have a new classroom so we can have two classes going on at one.  The bad news: I very well might have another month of no real internship.  However, I've finally figured out that I will be teaching around 110 students (divided into 3 or 4 different classes, hopefully) intermediate English.  These students are actually on a different track than other UCNH students because they are part of the group that transferred here after the earthquake in Port-au-Prince.  I'm very excited about meeting them next week.

This past Thursday I got the opportunity to work with a group from Philadelphia that does arts and healing camps in post-disaster settings.  They're called Indigenous Pitch and you can check them out here.  They were running a very brief mini camp at ACRAL in Limbé.  ACRAL is a kids music group in Limbé that was started by some UCNH students to give kids an extra social environment and teach them the wonders of music.  I helped with translating and crowd control and had a blast doing it.  Also, because I got reconnected with ACRAL (I visited them while I was here for spring break but for various reasons had yet to get reconnected) I'm now hanging out with them on Saturday afternoons for their meetings.  This could be a great place to do my independent study project... but that's still very much up in the air.

Obviously, more has happened in the past few weeks, but these are some highlights.  For the record, my intentions on updating are very good... my follow through usually isn't.  Thanks for sticking with me.  Prayer requests for this week: I would very much appreciate prayers that I would learn to admit my dependence on God and the people around me.  The longer I've been here, the more self-sufficient I've become, and while I certainly enjoy my independence, it causes me to forget my limitations and frailties. One way that has been manifesting itself is through my relationship with God... namely that I feel like since I'm so self-sufficient, I needn't bother asking Him for things.  Pray that I will "walk humbly with my God" despite the fact that I'm headstrong and think I can do everything on my own.  Y'all are great.

Parakeet Whisperer

What can I say?  Animals just love me.  Despite the fact that I'm allergic to half of them.  Just as I was sitting here, trying to think of a title for my new update, a parakeet started fluttering around the bird cage right next to where I get internet access.  I looked at it and thought, "Hey that looks just like the one that escaped a few days ago..."  It was indeed, the Prodigal Parakeet, returning, no doubt, from his life of fermented mangoes and loose songbirds back to where he knew he would have food and water aplenty.  It took him a few minutes to realize that he and I both wanted the same thing (for him to get back in the cage) so we had a bit of a dance.  Then he stood on the open door for a full thirty seconds before finally deciding that, "Okay, I've had enough freedom.  Lock me and never let me out again."  I would say that his mate seemed especially happy to have him back, but that's just plain anthropomorphizing.

The past week has been the best of my time in Haiti so far.  To be sure, it hasn't been entirely devoid of it's low points, but nothing that some dancing to Mumford and Sons in the office couldn't cure (Don't worry, I was alone.  If anyone had walked in right then, it would've been very embarrassing.  And a special thanks to Brittany Gaddy for the "workout" idea).  At the beginning of August, I was very worried that the lack of activity would send me into my deepest depression yet.  I feared that with nothing to look forward to until school starting in September 5, I would slowly start to lose my mind.  Fortunately, God has been faithful and provided me with some lifelines.  My relationships with people in the neighborhood have continued to grow.  Having people invite me to activities and events - even if it's something as simple as playing cards or going to the day's soccer game - makes such a difference from me inviting myself to do those things.  I just feel that much more a part of the community here.

Last week, I also started teaching another class, also in Limbé.  Loulouse, another professor at UCNH, and her husband run a small church/school that's attached to their home.  She asked if I was available to teach some English classes and since my schedule was pretty wide open, I was more than happy to oblige.  It's a good-sized class of about 15 and we take the material at a pretty slow pace.  I'm learning from my mistakes in other classes not to rush through and assume that students are studying at home.  Also, whenever students say that they understand something after the first time I explain it and that they don't have any questions, they're always lying.  Always.  How true the saying, "A teacher is someone who never says something only one time."

Things at UCNH seem to be picking up.  There's a meeting tomorrow for professors (that I'm still not sure if I'm supposed to go to) to talk about what needs to happen between now and September 5 to get ready for classes to start.  Hopefully I'll be finding out in the next few days which classes I'm teaching.

Other than that, there's not much new stuff to report.  Oh, a six year-old girl and her mom moved in to the house I'm staying in about a week ago.  I'm not really sure why they've moved in, or how long they're staying. They're both great, and I especially enjoy playing with Shanunu, the six year-old.  It's fun to have a younger host sibling, at least for however long they stay.

Tropical Storm Emily

Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for your prayers for safety for the people of Haiti and me through this storm.  It appears that the storm broke up pretty far south (though most of you would have access to more complete information that I do) and all we got here in Limbé was some light rain.  There was some concern for the people still living in temporary shelters outside of Port-au-Prince, but according to the news reports I've read, it seems like everyone made it through safely.  Again, thanks for all your prayers.

Visual Aids

Here are some pictures to help you better visualize the stories you read here.  Enjoy!

The outside of the house I'm living in. 

Met Amos and Ma Amos, respectively.  (Met is an educational title... Amos is the principal at a local elementary school)

From left to right: Clarin (28), Ma Amos and Snyda (21).  Haitians don't like to smile in pictures.  Maybe they want to look like Jason Bourne/Adam Sawyer.  

From the boat ride to Anse a Foleur.

From left to right: Budry, Abbie, me.  I'm not sure if you can recognize me behind all that beard.

From one of my beach trips with Budry.  Haiti really is a beautiful country.

To the Northwest!

First of all, my apologies in regards to the length of time between the previous post and this one.  I realize it has been a while, though in my defense, I haven't had a whole lot to write about until recently.

This past Friday morning, Budry and I packed our things and headed west.  My good friend from Wheaton and fellow Haiti-Wheaton Partnership team member, Abbie Goodman, was currently in the middle of five weeks of a medical internship at Northwest Haiti Christian Mission in Saint Louis du Nord, so we made plans for Budry and I to visit for the weekend.

The first challenge was getting there.  Traveling in Haiti can be complicated, and planning our route proved  to be no exception.  There is a road going northwest from Limbé and what appears to be that same road going southeast from St. Louis, but the maps that I have consulted tend to differ as to whether this road continues uninterrupted between Au Borgne and Anse a Foleur, two cities on the northern coast.  After further investigation, I determined that a road did in fact exist... and was passable on mountain bike and foot.  What also existed though, was a better option: a boat leaving from Au Borgne, headed to Anse a Foleur, which is the option Budry and I finally chose.  Our alternative was a bus ride south to Goniaves and then back north to Port de Paix, about an 8 hour trip one way.  We both agreed that motorcycle taxis and a boat (about 3 hours of actual travel time) were the better path, though certainly the less travelled.  And I will tell you... it made all the difference.

The boat ride was really great.  It was a small passenger ferry boat, about 15 feet long and 7 feet wide.  According to those steering it, the boat could fit up to 50 people, so that's how many they decided to cram on it.  I got a prime seat on top of the boat with a beautiful view of the northern Haitian coastline for the full hour's ride.  I forgot to put the pictures on my computer, but they are coming.

After landing in Anse a Foleur, Budry hailed a moto-taxi and I assumed that we were done with any more water travel.  I was wrong.  Before this weekend I have forded streams on foot, in cars, on boats and even virtually on the Oregon Trail computer game, but never on a motorcycle.  It gave me quite a start to realize that the road I'm on leads directly into that rushing water in front of me and there's no bridge in sight.  I was even foolish enough to ask the driver as he's trying to navigate the current and the rocky bottom, "Have you ever fallen in before?" to which he replied, "Oh yeah, people fall in all the time."  It made me feel a lot better the next 6 times we had to cross, but in the end, all parties made it mostly dry.  And no oxen died in the effort.

Finally arriving at the mission, it was great to see Abbie.  We had a relaxing afternoon getting reacquainted with the facilities (the mission was one of the locations I visited this past spring break) and catching up on the events of the past few weeks.  On Saturday, Budry, Abbie and I joined a group from the mission going to Anse a Foleur for a VBS lesson, a visit to a Voodoo monument and some relaxing time at the beach.  All in all, a good day of hanging out and rest.  Sunday morning, the three of us attended the deaf service at the mission and I got a chance to talk to Fedner, the teacher at the mission's school for the deaf.  After church, we hopped on a taptap to Port de Paix so Budry could check off another department capital on his list (he's only missing one now).  Sunday evening was again filled with down time.  Overall, my time at the mission was very refreshing.  On Monday morning, Budry and I packed up and headed "home."  I did actually feel like coming back to Haut-Limbé was like coming home.  My host family was happy to see me again, alive and no worse for wear.

Additional reflections on the weekend:
1. I know that HNGR discourages comparisons, but it was nice to be able to speak better Creole than someone.  Most people at the mission while we were there were Americans coming for short term mission trips who knew very little of the local language.  After being the uncontested winner of the "Worst Creole of Anyone I Know" award for the majority of my time in Haiti, I enjoyed finally being able to help other Americans communicate.  Plus, the Haitians living and working around the mission are unused to encountering white people who speak their language, so they were all very flattering whenever they heard me speak.
2. I really enjoyed the whole experience of the trip to and from St. Louis.  I kept imagining myself as some great explorer, charting the course for future Wheaton students to come.  Like most great explorers, I wasn't really finding anything new... just documenting what all the natives already knew.  Still, it was an exhilarating experience to travel a course that most people I talked to didn't know very well (most people in Limbé recommended the Goniaves route, though my final plan was approved by the university staff as feasible before I left).
3.  It was a huge blessing to be able to talk and process some of my recent thoughts with a good friend from Wheaton.  As much as I have appreciated being able to communicate regularly with friends and family via email, there's just something different about face-to-face conversation.  I was additionally lucky in that Abbie was able to relate to many of my experiences, living in Haiti herself for some period of time.

Additional updates not from this weekend:
I'm still doing very little in terms of any structured internship.  I'm teaching class three times a week for an hour each and editing letters to American/international organizations as they come.  My HNGR work has continued to keep me busy, though I'm also finding time to read for fun.  Within the past few weeks, I've started playing dominoes with some of the younger men and women in the neighborhood.  It's been a good way for me to get to know people better and practice Creole with a more scrutinizing audience.

In terms of my internship, I probably won't get anything more structured until school starts on September 5.  Which feels like a long time to wait.  The good news is that it should give me a good amount of time to start my independent study project.  I'm still determining what that will be, but Laurie has asked that I begin to investigate the ways that the university could contribute to public mental health in the community.  One of the first tasks in that will likely be understanding what forms of therapies would Haitians best respond to.  But my independent study is still very much in the ideas stage... nothing much at all on paper yet.

Thank you all for sticking with my blog, despite my erratic postings.  I would appreciate prayer these next few weeks in determining the next steps for my independent study as well as my internship.  Also, for patience in language frustrations and relationship building, as well as humility in understanding my role here.

Posting Up

So I know it's been a while since my last post... my apologies.  I could use several excuses, but really I've just been lazy.  So here goes... the past two and a half weeks of my life included:

-My first full week of teaching.  My second week here, I taught a class of about 15 students a four day intensive English course with an exam on the fifth day.  The class was for intro English students who had failed last semester and were looking for a way to get their grades up in order to avoid repeating the class next semester.  I had a lot more fun teaching than I thought I would, though I have a new empathy for teachers with unresponsive classes.  It was like pulling teeth to get students to volunteer answers.  I was desperate for any sort of acknowledgement, a smile, a nod, eye contact, anything.  It seemed to get better as the week went along, though.  Sadly, the results of the test were not quite what I had hoped, and I feel bad that the students' outcomes were so dependent on so new of a teacher.

-Teaching a more long term class in Limbé on Mondays and Fridays.  Limbé is the nearby city (pretty big... about 100,000 according to Laurie).  There, I teach a class normally taught by Bob or Duky (the head of the UCNH English dept), though as far as I can tell, the school in Limbé isn't connected with the university.  It's been nice having a more consistent crowd there; I can actually learn and remember names.  I feel like I have a good relationship with my students there as we've been getting to know each other better.  One student told me he preferred my teaching style, so that was a nice little ego boost.  It is strange though to be teaching people mostly older than me.  I would say the average student, both in Limbé and at the university is around 23.  Some of my students are even in their 30's and 40's.  They are all very respectful of me, though, and seem to appreciate what I have to say.

-Lots of diarrhea.  And I mean lots.  I'm still recovering from what was either a really bad case of traveller's diarrhea or a mild case of cholera.  I keep thinking it's gone but then it comes back.  A few weeks ago I spent the hours between 12:30-3 a.m. moving between my bed and the bathroom, and one final hour between 3 and 4 exclusively on the toilet.  I've had plenty of medication and am keeping myself well hydrated, so the whole experience has simply been inconvenient rather than potentially dangerous.  To those HWP members who were lucky enough to hear Dr. Vendeland describe the effects of cholera, I now know exactly how that feels.

-Soccer.  Haut-Limbé is currently caught up in the Copa America (the Women's World Cup seems not to matter here) and everyone's always talking about the latest match.  Budry and I went to the "cine" last week to watch the Argentina/Bolivia game.  The cine was a classroom with a 30" TV at one end and about 75 people packed in facing it.  The transmission was extremely blurry and it was hard to distinguish Argentina's white and blue from Bolivia's green.  We had a good time though.  There's also been a 5 v. 5 tournament going on this week that Budry has been officiating.  It's a lot of fun to go to the games and just hang out with people from the community.  My Creole is improving to the point where I can have basic conversations with people I meet and generally follow conversations if I'm trying very hard.

-Church.  Unfortunately, my church experience has been a little disappointing, though it's not really anyone's fault.  The church here is just so big, it's hard to meet people or feel connected; there are probably around 500 people at the service I go to.  The way that it's structured also makes it hard to chat either before or after.  In addition, the services have been around 2 1/2-3 hours long and entirely in Creole.  Right now, it just takes too much effort on my part to try and follow, and I typically end up drifting off into my own thoughts.  Hopefully as my language develops, I'll be able to connect better with  my fellow worshippers.  We did have communion this past week, which I appreciated a lot.  I miss celebrating the eucharist every week, not to mention the several other comfortable and accessible rituals of Rez.

-Improved communication.  Like I said, I feel like I've gotten right to the beginning of the conversational level of Creole.  My host mom and I are communicating much better; last week she asked me which foods of hers I liked and I was thankful for the opportunity to express my gratitude.  I'm really embarrassed by how easily I forget peoples' names here, but I'm slowly starting to remember more and more.  Please pray that these relationships will develop and grow in good time, and that I will not get impatient with myself or others.

Well this seems to be a good overview.  Again, these past few weeks have been up and down, but I feel myself fitting in more and more.  My schedule is pretty set through Friday, but I have no idea what I'll be doing next week.  I'm trying to be flexible, but prayers for patience and humility are always appreciated. Please keep commenting and sending emails... it's always good to hear from people back in the States.  Also, let me know how I can be praying for you too... it's something that I'm trying to work on to get me out of my self-centeredness.  Thanks for your love, prayers and support.